Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude