Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If You LOL At These 18 Tweets, You’re Probably A Terrible Person
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If You’re One of These 12 Restaurant Customers, Your Server is Definitely Spitting in Your Food
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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