And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight