A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious