as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?