Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.