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Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
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