Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (828)

Last Night in North Carolina (828)

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...

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(828): Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was... http://tfl.nu/29hb

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That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library

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(828): That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library http://tfl.nu/vcd5

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Just got walked in on during safety inspections

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Think you passed?

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(910): Just got walked in on during safety inspections (828): Think you passed? http://tfl.nu/r9km

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God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.

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(828): God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you. http://tfl.nu/4g7v

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I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now

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(828): I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now http://tfl.nu/merq

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Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado

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(828): Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado http://tfl.nu/of4e

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All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.

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(828): All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU. http://tfl.nu/f6ai

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he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.

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(828): he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art. http://tfl.nu/yesh

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after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."

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(828): after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...." http://tfl.nu/7e08

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Ill do this for you.

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You are a team player.

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This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.

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(828): Ill do this for you. (1-828): You are a team player. (828): This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more. http://tfl.nu/hmdx

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Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.

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(828): Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt. http://tfl.nu/toh0

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I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...

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(828): I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos... http://tfl.nu/fyfs

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Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.

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(828): Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times. http://tfl.nu/we9q

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No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry

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Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302

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(828): No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry (828): Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302 http://tfl.nu/twph

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Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us

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(828): Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us http://tfl.nu/ml7j

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Last Night in North Carolina (828)

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