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You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
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