if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much