if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much