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I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
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