I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.