Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy