Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (720)

Last Night in Colorado (720)

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I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists

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(720): I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists http://tfl.nu/iudi

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she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod

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(720): she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod http://tfl.nu/2sd3

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I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis

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(720): I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis http://tfl.nu/ymdq

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I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.

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(720): I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group. http://tfl.nu/a06b

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I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop

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(720): I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop http://tfl.nu/llg8

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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944

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and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate

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(720): i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944 (720): and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate http://tfl.nu/x2vg

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I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.

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(720): I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English. http://tfl.nu/7f6h

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Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers

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(720): Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers http://tfl.nu/jgqx

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Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation

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(720): Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation http://tfl.nu/efec

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New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?

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(720): New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future? http://tfl.nu/5rnd

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the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis

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(720): the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis http://tfl.nu/41ot

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Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong

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(720): Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong http://tfl.nu/wxwn

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Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."

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(720): Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open." http://tfl.nu/m5a9

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Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?

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He told her it was international road head day.

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(720): Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min? (303): He told her it was international road head day. http://tfl.nu/xtw8

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At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course

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(720): At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course http://tfl.nu/67cn

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Last Night in Colorado (720)

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