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Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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