You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south