Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (716)

Last Night in New York (716)

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So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.

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(716): So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar. http://tfl.nu/a5mu

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I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.

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(716): I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth. http://tfl.nu/f5s8

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Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?

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(716): Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed? http://tfl.nu/24fj

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I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.

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(716): I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad. http://tfl.nu/80p7

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she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.

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(716): she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless. http://tfl.nu/eill

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as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.

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momma always taught us never to change for a boy..

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(716): as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack. (1-716): momma always taught us never to change for a boy.. http://tfl.nu/3cjy

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You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70

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(716): You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70 http://tfl.nu/w9g2

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my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?

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(716): my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in? http://tfl.nu/3561

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right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable

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(716): right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable http://tfl.nu/dvma

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it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.

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(716): it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis. http://tfl.nu/lwww

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I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.

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(716): I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle. http://tfl.nu/lk8z

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As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."

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(716): As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is." http://tfl.nu/8j8j

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You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.

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(716): You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook. http://tfl.nu/wajd

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she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper

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(716): she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper http://tfl.nu/z4y6

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dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex

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(716): dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex http://tfl.nu/pkc8

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Last Night in New York (716)

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