She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.