why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days