I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.