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Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
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