I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.