How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.