Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?