Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.