They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.