I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.