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Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
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