If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.