Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets