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We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
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