I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.