the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.