What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah