what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave