There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.