Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (660)

Last Night in Missouri (660)

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So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers

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(660): So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers http://tfl.nu/krcd

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I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!

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(660): I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification! http://tfl.nu/z1dt

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i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting

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(660): i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting http://tfl.nu/v176

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He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.

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Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...

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(660): He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence. (816): Your vagina must be laced with cocaine... http://tfl.nu/n747

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How did you make it to work sans hangover?

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4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols

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(660): How did you make it to work sans hangover? (816): 4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols http://tfl.nu/2csk

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It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.

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(660): It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope. http://tfl.nu/g3x7

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I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah

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(660): I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah http://tfl.nu/jyz7

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what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?

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um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan

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(660): what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate? (816): um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan http://tfl.nu/0tla

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Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me

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(660): Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me http://tfl.nu/ir9q

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There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK

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(660): There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK http://tfl.nu/9rna

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I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.

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(660): I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night. http://tfl.nu/myre

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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.

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(660): I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym. http://tfl.nu/tj7a

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We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out

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(660): We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out http://tfl.nu/p80s

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Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.

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(660): Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes. http://tfl.nu/p00s

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THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.

(816): View more from Missouri

..So we should take it off Youtube?

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(660): THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you. (816): ..So we should take it off Youtube? http://tfl.nu/93os

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Last Night in Missouri (660)

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