I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
