did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
