sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?