how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego