it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.