Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.