Texts From Last Night · Last Night in Australia

Last Night in Australia (+61)

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I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.

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(+61): I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane. http://tfl.nu/dlou

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THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.

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(+61): THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/omc3

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we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.

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(+61): we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together. http://tfl.nu/r78i

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Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.

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(+61): Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on. http://tfl.nu/q17g

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Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.

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(+61): Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup. http://tfl.nu/3fht

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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.

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(+61): She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse. http://tfl.nu/zap5

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Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.

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(+61): Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches. http://tfl.nu/qgps

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i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be

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(+61): i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be http://tfl.nu/xlfe

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He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.

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(+61): He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him. http://tfl.nu/9g1s

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I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.

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(+61): I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in. http://tfl.nu/ilgv

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It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.

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(+61): It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination. http://tfl.nu/nbvv

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i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?

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(+61): i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason? http://tfl.nu/33o5

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can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room

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(+61): can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room http://tfl.nu/484e

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Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.

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(+61): Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme. http://tfl.nu/6yp3

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I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"

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(+61): I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer" http://tfl.nu/7qtl

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Last Night in Australia (+61)

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