guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.