guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
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Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
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I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.