even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.