theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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