Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
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Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
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trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.