He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened