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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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