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I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
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