How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
