I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
