He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am naked and annoyed.
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I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.