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I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
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