Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours