I broke a rule
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?