Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Pennsylvania (484)

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  somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it

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  (484): somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it http://tfl.nu/giry
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  how bad is she

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  captain morgan with tits

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  (484): how bad is she (215): captain morgan with tits http://tfl.nu/5qnj
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  omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.

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  (484): omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers. http://tfl.nu/h63v
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  you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite

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  (484): you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite http://tfl.nu/cjvu
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  if you just come over, i will entertain you

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  arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment

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  (508): if you just come over, i will entertain you (484): arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment http://tfl.nu/zbb7
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  she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.

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  (484): she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard. http://tfl.nu/xcqc
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  I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance

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  (484): I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance http://tfl.nu/sui0
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  Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on

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  Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.

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  (610): Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on (484): Who said I was judging? More like congratulating. http://tfl.nu/coiy
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  I can't. I will literally throw up my liver

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  Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.

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  (610): I can't. I will literally throw up my liver (484): Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume. http://tfl.nu/eh54
  Replies (2) Good night (1571) Bad night (601)
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  during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'

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  (484): during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me' http://tfl.nu/06rz
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  We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.

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  (484): We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us. http://tfl.nu/883t
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  whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.

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  (484): whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks. http://tfl.nu/9g8j
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  Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level

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  (484): Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level http://tfl.nu/da15
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  so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense

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  (484): so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense http://tfl.nu/m14d
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  pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.

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  (484): pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you. http://tfl.nu/yyvw
  Replies (2) Good night (1550) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt