dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am naked and annoyed.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop