Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Couch. On fire.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I broke a rule
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?