All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I broke a rule
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?