I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.