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Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
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