Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.