Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Toronto (416)

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  (416): View more from Toronto

  We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy

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  (416): We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy http://tfl.nu/skpx
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  Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?

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  (416): Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground? http://tfl.nu/za9i
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  He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.

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  (416): He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead. http://tfl.nu/aau2
  Replies (5) Good night (418) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
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  Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics

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  (416): Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics http://tfl.nu/b7nn
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  BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.

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  (416): BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me. http://tfl.nu/xkbl
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  I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.

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  (416): I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison. http://tfl.nu/ptp6
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  I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE

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  (416): I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE http://tfl.nu/e7i8
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  She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...

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  (416): She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole... http://tfl.nu/kisj
  Replies (8) Good night (419) Bad night (1057) Order T-Shirt
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  Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning

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  Thats for me to know and you to find out.

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  (519): Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning (416): Thats for me to know and you to find out. http://tfl.nu/ors0
  Replies (1) Good night (1048) Bad night (325)
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  You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws

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  That explains the stains on my shirt

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  (647): You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws (416): That explains the stains on my shirt http://tfl.nu/ptlu
  Replies (3) Good night (1252) Bad night (383)
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  Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke

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  (416): Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke http://tfl.nu/mtw8
  Replies (1) Good night (352) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
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  I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.

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  (416): I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now. http://tfl.nu/vurn
  Replies (5) Good night (1018) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
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  Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.

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  (416): Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights. http://tfl.nu/9jzc
  Replies (6) Good night (1038) Bad night (338)
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  He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK

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  (416): He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK http://tfl.nu/pb5y
  Replies (20) Good night (734) Bad night (2134)
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  It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.

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  (416): It's like shitshowville, population: those girls. http://tfl.nu/vlzn
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