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Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
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