why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.