Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Toronto (416)

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  I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?

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  (416): I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS? http://tfl.nu/n2hz
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  I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.

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  (416): I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job. http://tfl.nu/hsaj
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  Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".

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  (416): Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked". http://tfl.nu/jucw
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  Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party

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  (416): Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party http://tfl.nu/rykd
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  i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.

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  (416): i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay. http://tfl.nu/0u7w
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  Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way

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  (416): Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way http://tfl.nu/xbs0
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  Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?

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  you're kidding right?

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  (416): Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow? (613): you're kidding right? http://tfl.nu/5c4n
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  I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning

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  (416): I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning http://tfl.nu/fy90
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  looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants

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  (416): looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants http://tfl.nu/ig1q
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  Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.

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  (416): Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything. http://tfl.nu/up9n
  Replies (56) Good night (766) Bad night (5103)
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  There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.

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  (416): There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist. http://tfl.nu/x1kf
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  We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.

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  (416): We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time. http://tfl.nu/y0p3
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  Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.

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  I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.

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  (647): Think I pulled my pelvic muscle. (416): I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle. http://tfl.nu/mzl9
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  We were fucking at break-dick speeds.

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  (416): We were fucking at break-dick speeds. http://tfl.nu/i1r9
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  Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds

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  (416): Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds http://tfl.nu/xosv
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