In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.