I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit