I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt