Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.