I think I gave a random lady a dildo
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
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He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me